The following is an excerpt from the Advanced Bible Studies Series
“PROVERBS,” which is available from Way of Life Literature.
This
book, which has warned frequently of the danger of the strange woman and the
foolish wife (e.g. Prov. 2:16-19; 5:3-14; 6:24-35; 7:5-27; 9:13-18; 11:22;
14:1; 21:9; 23:27-28; 25:24), concludes with the glory of the virtuous wife.
This lengthy description of the virtuous woman
teaches us the immense importance of the godly wife. She is mentioned in
many passages of the New Testament as well (Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians
3:18; 1 Timothy 2:9-15; 3:11; Titus 2:3-5; 1 Peter 3:1-6). “And with good
reason is so much stress laid upon it, since it contributes as much as any
one thing to the keeping up of religion in families, and the entail of it
upon posterity, that the mothers be wise and good; and of what consequence
it is to the wealth and outward prosperity of a house every one is sensible.
He that will thrive must ask his wife leave” (Matthew Henry). “In choosing a
wife, fools will follow their fancy, and the wise will act according to
reason and the word of God” (George Lawson).
In the Hebrew language Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic. Each verse
begins with a different character in the Hebrew alphabet, beginning with
Aleph and ending with Tau. This facilitated memorization by Jewish children.
1. The virtuous woman’s value
(Prov. 31:10)
She is worth more than precious jewels because she cannot be purchased
with money. Beauty can be bought, but virtue cannot. She is worth more than
precious jewels because of how valuable her faithful labor is. It is
possible to buy a house keeper, but it is not possible to buy a woman who is
dedicated to a man and his children from her heart and who is committed to
do them good all the days of her life in every way possible, in sickness and
in health, in poverty and in wealth. The wise man will seek after such a
woman. Such a woman only comes from the Lord (Prov. 19:14). The man who
wants such a woman must walk with God and please God and patiently seek her
from His loving hand.
2. The virtuous woman’s dependability (Prov. 31:11-12)
She can be trusted by her husband because her first love is God. The
reason that she is in subjection to her husband is because she trusts in God
(1 Pet. 3:5). She is faithful to her husband because she fears God and thus
takes her marriage vows seriously.
She makes do with whatever her husband provides (Prov. 31:11). A
virtuous and wise woman can make a little go a long way, whereas the foolish
woman can waste even a large income. “Her management is so skilful,
industrious, and economic that her husband has no temptation to go out of
his way to do aught that is dishonest in order to increase his resources.
Many a husband has been prompted to deeds of dishonesty through the
indolence and extravagance of the partner of his life” (Thomas).
She does good for her husband. She is not one who cares more about her
mother or a friend or some co-worker than her husband. Her heart is set on
him and on his welfare and pleasure. She takes her job as an “help meet”
seriously (Gen. 2:18).
She does him good all the days of her life. She takes her marital vows
of “in sickness and in health, till death do us part” seriously. She does
not allow her heart to become devoted to someone or something else other
than her husband, neither when she is young nor when she is old. She does
not do him good only once in awhile when she is in the mood. Her heart is
committed to doing him good and being a proper help meet for him at all
times and all of their lives. “There is a wifely love that is fitful,
capricious, passionate in its endearments today, tomorrow cold, sulky, and
sometimes splenetic; this is not the love of a true wife, it is the love of
a selfish woman that seeks only her own gratification. Genuine wifely love
seeks the good of her husband, is constant as nature” (David Thomas).
The husband of the sensual and worldly woman, on the other hand, cannot
trust her. He cannot trust her not to give her heart to another man. He
cannot trust her to spend his money wisely. He cannot trust her to keep his
secrets. He cannot trust her to put him before her friends and relatives. He
cannot trust her to be doing what she should be doing when he is not
looking.
3. The virtuous woman’s labor (Prov. 31:13, 24-27)
Her labor is willing (“and worketh willingly with her hands,” Prov.
31:13). She works because she wants to work. No one is standing over her
forcing her to work. It is a labor of love from her heart, because she is
committed to her God and to her family.
Her labor is diligent. Thirteen of the 22 verses describe her labor.
She is the opposite of the sluggard described in Proverbs. Her “candle goeth
not out by night” (Prov. 31:18) and she “eateth not the bread of idleness”
(Prov. 31:27). She is not like the young widows described in 1 Timothy 5:13,
who are “idle, wandering about from house to house ... tattlers also and
busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.”
Her labor is varied; she has many skills. Modern radical feminists have
looked down on the “lowly housewife,” but this is a foolish perspective. A
virtuous and successful housewife and mother is a woman of great ability and
initiative, and her talents are certainly not wasted in the home. “It was
customary among the Jews to bring up all the youth to useful and handicraft
occupation. An excellent custom this, but sadly neglected in these modern
times” (David Thomas).
She knows how to do good to her husband (Prov. 31:12), which involves
many wifely duties. The virtuous wife considers it her chief duty to know
her husband and to learn how to please him and help him. God made Eve to be
a “help meet” for Adam, to be his suitable companion and co-laborer, and the
virtuous wife takes this responsibility seriously. She knows how to listen
when he talks and to cheer him when he is sad and to encourage him when he
is downcast. She knows when to be silent and when to speak. She knows how to
counsel him from a woman’s perspective. She knows how to pray for him. She
knows how to keep herself as attractive as possible to please him and not
defraud him when he is passionate (1 Cor. 7:3-5).
She knows how to work with wool and make her own cloth (Prov. 31:13,
19, 24) and to sew (Prov. 31:22). While there is no need to make cloth
today, sewing remains an important skill. Many Christian women sew clothes
for themselves and their daughters because it is so difficult to find
ready-made clothes that fit the biblical standard of modesty. Her clothing
is feminine as befitting a woman. She knows that she is different from the
man, and her clothing reflects this difference (Deut. 22:5). Her clothing
is modest, as befitting a virtuous woman and as a reflection of her virtuous
heart. Compare 1 Peter 3:2-4. Immodest clothing, too, is a reflection of the
heart (Prov. 7:10). Her clothing is attractive, as befitting a woman who is
the glory of her husband (Prov. 31:22; 1 Cor. 11:7). Her clothing is
honorable (“strength and honour are her clothing,” Prov. 31:25). The
virtuous woman does not wear anything that would bring dishonor to her. Even
in these wicked end times men tend to honor women who dress honorably.
4. The virtuous woman’s distribution to the poor (Prov. 31:20).
She stretches out her hands to them. This refers to her zeal in meeting
their needs. Her alms-giving is not a mere ritual. She gives from a heart of
compassion and personal concern. “When material acquisitions are great, and
benevolent efforts small, the moral health cannot be maintained; when much
flows in, and none is permitted to flow out, wealth becomes a stagnant pool,
endangering the life of those who reside on its brim. The sluice which love
opens to pour a stream upon the needy sweetens all the store” (Arnot).
At the same time, a wise woman is discriminate in her giving. She does
not give to professional beggars or to the lazy or the profligate but to the
truly needy. Many beggars beg because they are too lazy to work or because
they have wasted their substance on liquor and drugs and gambling, and the
Bible says he who does not work should not eat (2 Thess. 3:10).
5. The virtuous woman’s wisdom (Prov. 31:26-27)
The fountain of her wisdom is her fear of God and her love for His Word
(Prov. 31:30; 1:7). It is impossible for a woman to be truly wise and
virtuous without a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ and
without an intimate relationship with the Bible. In the midst of her busy
household schedule the wise woman finds a way to spend time in the Scripture
and is careful to walk in fellowship with Christ.
Her wisdom is evident in her speech. Proverbs says the lips give
expression to what is in the heart (Prov. 15:2). When the virtuous woman
opens her mouth it is not to backbite someone or to tell an off color joke
or to tear down the pastor or to enthuse over some sensual vanity like
American Idol or to discuss the latest Hollywood scandal or to gush at the
latest vain fashion. She opens her mouth with wisdom.
Her wisdom is evident in her kindness. Everything she does is subject to
this wonderful law. She is kind to her husband, her children, her servants,
to the poor and to strangers. This brings to mind my maternal grandmother,
Julia Pollock. I stayed with her a lot when I was little, and I knew her
when she was old, and she lived by the law of kindness. The chief guiding
principle in her life was to reflect her faith in Christ by being kind to
people; and if she wasn’t perfectly kind in a particular situation it was
the exception and not the rule. This also brings to mind my own wife of over
30 years. She, too, lives by the law of kindness, and that law is in her
tongue.
Her wisdom is evident in that she looks well to the ways of her
household (Prov. 31:27). She is not content that her household be fed
properly and clothed nicely; she is concerned about their “ways” or how they
live. She makes sure that her children are trained in God’s Word and are
taught to walk in the fear of God. Like Timothy’s mother and grandmother (2
Tim. 2:5; 3:15) the virtuous woman instructs her children in the Scriptures
and gives them good laws to obey (“the law of thy mother,” Prov. 1:8). She
also instructs other women (Titus 2:3-5).
6. The virtuous woman’s praise (Prov. 31:28, 31)
The virtuous woman will doubtless not win a Hollywood Oscar or be
chosen as one of the world’s “most desirable” women, but she has her share
of praise even in this world.
She is praised by her children (Prov. 31:28-29). She is praised by her
husband (Prov. 31:28-29). No one knows the value of a virtuous woman better
than her own husband, as he is the tender object of her sweet devotion and
the chief benefactor of her labor. Such a woman even has the power to win an
unsaved husband to Christ by her chaste conversation (1 Pet. 3:1-2). It
appears that the statement in verse 29 is made by the husband. “Many
daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” She is spoken
of directly (thou) rather than indirectly as in the rest of the passage
(she, her). “He cannot refrain from bestowing praise on one whom he finds
the sweetener of all his cares, his faithful adviser in perplexities, his
comforter in every distress, the instrument of a great part of his earthly
felicity; his best friend, his unceasing joy, and his brightest crown. ...
He prefers her to every other wife that ever lived upon earth; and he is
sincere in doing it, for she ravished his heart by the beauties of her mind
and conversation. Piety will dispose a man to think meanly of himself, in
comparison with other men, but highly of his wife, when he compares her with
other women” (Lawson).
She is praised by her works (Prov. 31:31). It is in the gates that the
virtuous woman’s works praise her. This refers to the place of ruling and
judging in ancient times (Deut. 16:18; 21:19; 25:7; Josh. 20:4; 2 Kings
7:1). Thus the virtuous woman will not be praised only in private by her own
family. Obviously in this present wicked world the virtuous woman is rarely
if ever praised in high places, but there is a City that has gates where she
will definitely be praised (Revelation 21:9-27)!
7. The virtuous woman’s superiority (Prov. 31:30)
Virtue is better than favor, because favor is deceitful. Favor refers
to a favored position in life, to position and privilege and fame and
fortune in this world. Many men seek after a woman who has such favor but
such things are deceitful in that they are so fleeting and undependable and
because there is no eternal value in them.
Virtue is better than beauty, because beauty is vain. It is vain
because it is fleeting. It is vain because it tends to pride and
self-centeredness. It is vain because it tends to cause one to be consumed
with the physical and the temporal and to neglect the spiritual and eternal.
Beauty is vain because it is of no value before God and if not accompanied
by godliness it is as foolish as a pig with a gold ring in its nose (Prov.
11:22). It is vain because it does not satisfy in any lasting sense.
Consider how many men married to the world’s most beautiful women have
committed adultery. Beauty is never perfect in this world and if beauty is
the chief object of the heart’s desire the individual will never be
satisfied. Multitudes seek after beauty in a spouse but if it is not
accompanied by virtue the beauty will be a curse and not a blessing. “Beauty
is but a flower that fades in a day; and the love produced by it is but a
transient passion” (Lawson).
8. The virtuous woman’s future (“... she shall rejoice in time to
come,” Prov. 31:25).
Her future is very bright! She will be rewarded at the judgment seat of
Christ and rejoice in the New Jerusalem for ever more!
“We who have the light of New Testament revelation can see in Proverbs
31:31 more than a hint of the coming manifestation at the judgment-seat of
Christ. When the mists of earth have gone forever, when its pride and folly
and iniquity are eternally past, such a one as the mother of Lemuel has been
describing, shall appear in her Lord’s own presence with rejoicing, bearing
her sheaves with her. At His feet she will caste down the fruit of her hands
and the works His grace has wrought in and through her, to have all surveyed
by Himself. How sweet to hear His words of approbation in the gate, ‘Well
done, good and faithful servant! Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.’ Who
then will regret days of toil and nights of watching? Who then would
exchange the saint’s path and portion, with all its responsibilities as well
as privileges, for a place of ease and careless enjoyment of a few fleeting
hours on earth? Not one” (Ironside).
