Family Matters
February 14th, 2009
So, it’s Valentine’s Day. The day society (and candy and card companies) set aside to help us show our loved ones how much they mean to us. As if we should need a particular day to do that. And that’s IF you’re in a relationship at all. You may not be in a relationship right now so consequently Valentine’s Day means as little to you as a perfectly prepared steak does to a vegetarian. But what if you’re not a vegetarian? What if you’re not in a relationship but REALLLLLLY want to be in one…then what?
Well, you could do one of two things. You could hasten the arrival of a potential mate by going online and trolling, or you could wait on God to lay upon your heart His perfect will regarding your future spouse. Well, Adam was given Eve, but he had eyes only for her by default. If Adam were alive today, and single, you might argue he could afford to be a bit more selective and picky if he wanted to be. But then again, God created Eve just for Adam, knowing all of his needs and wants. Now this was before the Fall, so what God created, He created perfectly. Therefore, Eve was perfect for Adam.
I can still hear some of you out there arguing that technology today allows us to find that special someone with much more ease. We can do so much with the Internet today that the dissemination of information is lightning speed these days. What if God’s will is that I’m someday to marry a missionary’s daughter? Perhaps God will put it on her heart to search online and we’ll meet up in a chat room and can begin learning about each other months, maybe years earlier than if we had waited for a more conventional way of meeting (meaning leaving it to God’s timing).
What’s the harm in helping God? What does it matter when I meet the one God has planned for me, just so long as I marry her? Maybe nothing…but you’ll probably lose out on many, many blessings. Let’s look at two scenarios…the first will be a representation of someone being somewhat impatient and using modern technology to hasten his rendezvous with his future wife. The second will be a gentleman using conventional means (a.k.a. God’s timing) and how that made a huge difference.
February 10, 2009 [3:30pm]: Single Jewish male seeks single Jewish female for sharing all of what life has to offer, together. I am quiet, reserved, and feel very at home in the outdoors. I love raising animals but I don’t actually enjoy cooking them and eating them. I have a twin brother who is the complete opposite of me and gets a thrill out of hunting. I’m very resourceful and can get pretty much what I need by using all of my intellect. I can boast a good family heritage with my dad and grandfather being truly spiritually devout gentlemen. You can find out more details about me on my Facebook® page. If interested, e-mail me at the link provided…sincerely…”SJM”…
February 10, 2009 [10:00pm]: Dear “SJM,” I am intrigued to find out that we both have something in common and we haven’t even met yet. I love animals too. In fact, I herd animals. Well, they’re not really mine, they’re my father’s animals. People say I’m pretty and that my best features are my eyes. Anyway, I am interested in meeting you. You sound intriguing and I want to challenge your intellect. I have an account with MySpace® and if you’re interested…let me know and I’ll add you as a friend…sincerely…”Alone in Haran”…
Well, these two chatted and texted and called each other on their cell phones. They kept finding similarities. Like HE was a younger sibling and SHE was a younger sibling. They began to believe it was meant to be. With eerie similarities between them, it must be God working behind the Internet service providers to put the two of them together. They decided, after several months, to finally meet. He wanted to be her husband from the moment he saw her eyes. They, believing it was of God, married immediately.
Well, they had to move around a lot. You see, “SJM” had an intellect that got him in trouble with his brother and “SJM” had basically swindled his brother out of what belonged to him. Now, fearing his brother would kill him, they couldn’t stay in one place for long. They eventually had two sons and “Alone in Haran” actually died giving birth to their second child. Now, “SJM” has to work two jobs in order to raise his two sons as a single dad. After the kids are grown, he lives alone in a one-room apartment with peeling plaster and a lone bare light bulb over the kitchen table. He dies one night with no one else around.
If you haven’t already caught on, “SJM” is Jacob and “Alone in Haran” is Rachel. Jacob was fleeing Esau and came across Rachel tending her father’s sheep in the field (Genesis 29:9-10). Rachel invited Jacob back to the house and Jacob agreed to work for Laban and Laban allowed Jacob to name his price (vs. 15). Well, Jacob had been working there for about a month and during that time, no doubt, had many occasions to run into Rachel. In fact, the Bible says Jacob loved Rachel (vs. 18). So Jacob decided he would ask Laban for Rachel’s hand in marriage in return for seven years of service (vs. 18) and Laban agreed (vs. 19). The Bible also says that Jacob loved Rachel so much that the time hardly mattered to him (vs. 20) and he didn’t even notice it.
Unfortunately Laban displayed much the same “intellect” toward Jacob as Jacob had toward Esau. Laban swapped Leah (Rachel’s older sister) for Rachel herself and Jacob discovered the deed in the morning light (vs. 21-27). But, still wanting Rachel, he agrees to work another seven years for Rachel’s hand, and eventually gets it. At first glance, this looks pretty bad. And it gets worse before it gets better. Jacob favors Rachel over Leah and God makes Rachel barren, for a time, while giving Jacob ten sons and a daughter between Leah, and the handmaids of both Leah and Rachel. Finally, Rachel conceives Joseph and Benjamin, completing the twelve tribes of Israel (Jacob’s new name).
Well now. It would seem that it did make a difference to God when and under what circumstances Jacob was to be married. Remember that by using today’s technology to hasten God’s will, Jacob would have been married only to Rachel. She would have given him two sons and Jacob would have been alone to raise those two sons after Rachel’s death. However, as it so happened, Jacob lived most of his life with Leah and he had many sons, and it just so happened also, that when he died, he did not die alone.
But there’s something else that happened to Jacob because of his desire to wait on the one God laid on his heart to have. What it was is this…prosperity. After all those fourteen years serving Laban for the right to finally take Rachel with him, Laban tried to pull one more fast one on Jacob and came up with a way to keep Jacob tending Laban’s herds six more years. During those 20 years, Laban altered Jacob’s pay ten times (Genesis 31:41). But Jacob put his “intellect” to work one last time and got Laban to agree to allow Jacob to manage their livestock, which ensured that Jacob would become wealthy (Genesis 30:37-43) and Laban…well…not so wealthy. God protected Jacob from Laban’s wrath, and many, many years later, Jacob dies surrounded by his sons (Genesis 49:33).
Not waiting on God carries consequences. Jacob would not have been wealthy during his lifetime with Rachel. He wouldn’t have had the large family that surrounded him at his death. But here’s the big one…sometimes God’s will involving future generations will go unfulfilled because of hasty, careless, impulsive decisions. Case in point: Leah, the one Jacob didn’t want and would have never married in the modern day Internet example, gave birth to Judah…from whom spawned the Davidic genealogies and eventually Christ was born unto the earth through the house of David of the tribe of Judah. Hmmm…no Leah…maybe no Messiah…
These online sites today promise successful marriages and even go so far as to run you through a multi-point personality and compatibility screening. This time of year, and the Holidays as well, get lonely people to do impulsive things in a desperate attempt to find love to fill a void in their lives. Just remember, when you’re meeting someone online or any other matchmaking service, the chances are pretty good that the person you’re meeting is just as desperate as you are.
Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.” One commentary explains this “finding” in much the same way we find a surprise gift left on our doorstep from someone who finds favor with us. Therefore, it’s not so much us actively searching for a mate and finding one, but rather God finding favor with us and leaving our future mate for us to stumble upon (find).
Lastly, wait on God. That can’t be stressed enough. Let’s break down Romans 5:3-4 as it relates to finding a marriage partner. “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also…” It’s a trial for some to be single and yearning for their special someone. The pangs for love echo loudly from within the vast expanse of an empty heart. But keep on keeping on because, “…knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope.” Patience will develop our character (experience, in the verse) and that character will give us hope. Hope is the confidence we have in God to do one of two things with relation to marriage. First, He’ll either give you the emotional wherewithal to handle being single and celibate if that’s His will for your life. Second, we have confidence that if it is God’s will we are to be married, then he will answer our prayer in due time…on His timetable. God’s Word promises in Galatians 6:9 that if we don’t sow to the flesh (hasten God’s will because of our impatience) than we will reap “in due season” if we “faint not.”
About love, Sir James M. Barrie says, “If you have it, you don’t need to have anything else, and if you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter much what else you have.” That sounds like the secular version of what the Bible has to say on the subject of needing to have love. “God is love” (1st John 4:16). Corresponding with that verse is Psalm 23:1, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” We should have everything in Christ, including a relationship with God the Father, who is love.
It’s a pretty simple concept to grasp. It’s an entirely different endeavor to apply that principle. I have God, and God is Love, and His Son is my Shepherd, I shouldn’t have want of anything. But I’m still experiencing loneliness, you say? Work on being able to apply that principle. And who knows, maybe during that time you’re working on trusting God to supply all your needs (Psalm 23:1) you might just stumble upon (find) what you’re looking for.